So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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