my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
