We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
