I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
