K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
