I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
