Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
