I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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