So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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