census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
