Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
