I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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