I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
