8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Drunk is not a location!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
