i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
