Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
