DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
