whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
