I want you more than these girls want KFC
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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