So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
