Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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