Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
