I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
