Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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