Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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