One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We need to rekindle our bromance
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
