Welp...herpes.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
