You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
