Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
