i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
