Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
