so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
