Texts From Last Night

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  (406): View more from Montana

  I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.

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  (406): I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea. http://tfl.nu/bq8d
  Replies (7) Good night (1700) Bad night (731)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.

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  (425): So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way. http://tfl.nu/01f8
  Replies (22) Good night (692) Bad night (1593)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.

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  (971): I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one. http://tfl.nu/nv72
  Replies (17) Good night (3865) Bad night (620)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin

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  (203): its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin http://tfl.nu/pt6w
  Replies (7) Good night (2780) Bad night (896)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.

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  (719): He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year. http://tfl.nu/71up
  Replies (17) Good night (4555) Bad night (1044)
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  (209): View more from California

  Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something

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  (209): Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something http://tfl.nu/htcf
  Replies (23) Good night (1031) Bad night (3423)
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  (+41): View more from Switzerland

  How did she break his doorknob?

  (1+41): View more from

  That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.

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  (+41): How did she break his doorknob? (1+41): That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought. http://tfl.nu/2qqq
  Replies (4) Good night (1825) Bad night (534)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.

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  (516): I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high. http://tfl.nu/l06x
  Replies (12) Good night (3861) Bad night (782)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.

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  (414): i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now. http://tfl.nu/jexc
  Replies (6) Good night (1243) Bad night (327)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?

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  (479): What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock? http://tfl.nu/qpo9
  Replies (0) Good night (386) Bad night (294)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  Pass or fail tho

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  (817): Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard (1-817): Pass or fail tho http://tfl.nu/htlu
  Replies (0) Good night (456) Bad night (857)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.

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  (517): for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative. http://tfl.nu/mxb3
  Replies (5) Good night (285) Bad night (845)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.

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  (978): You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs. http://tfl.nu/aomg
  Replies (1) Good night (769) Bad night (326)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.

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  (802): I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises. http://tfl.nu/ux2t
  Replies (1) Good night (734) Bad night (323)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions

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  (301): At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions http://tfl.nu/y4pr
  Replies (1) Good night (552) Bad night (274)

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