Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
