Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.

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  (703): I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like. http://tfl.nu/tgx7
  Replies (33) Good night (1299) Bad night (2830)
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  (607): View more from New York

  please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already

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  (607): please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already http://tfl.nu/5kxb
  Replies (8) Good night (3011) Bad night (1586)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.

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  (817): Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea. http://tfl.nu/vfyw
  Replies (6) Good night (2795) Bad night (918)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari

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  (973): If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari http://tfl.nu/13id
  Replies (22) Good night (1217) Bad night (2854)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.

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  (419): Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won. http://tfl.nu/dkj1
  Replies (3) Good night (2740) Bad night (1024)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.

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  (813): Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature. http://tfl.nu/pp7x
  Replies (16) Good night (1914) Bad night (1086)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???

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  (347): Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord??? http://tfl.nu/3v54
  Replies (15) Good night (2641) Bad night (1174)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."

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  (248): There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding." http://tfl.nu/ytsu
  Replies (5) Good night (1864) Bad night (1228)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.

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  (804): Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now. http://tfl.nu/gokp
  Replies (4) Good night (975) Bad night (2196)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises

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  (617): You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises http://tfl.nu/wnpw
  Replies (1) Good night (832) Bad night (502)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.

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  (702): Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors. http://tfl.nu/41jv
  Replies (3) Good night (762) Bad night (344)
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  (714): View more from California

  We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.

  (714): View more from California

  I'll wait.

  (714): View more from California

  It can also be a hat.

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  (714): We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock. (714): I'll wait. (714): It can also be a hat. http://tfl.nu/jio5
  Replies (4) Good night (778) Bad night (305)
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  (714): View more from California

  Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.

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  (714): Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high. http://tfl.nu/ti5b
  Replies (1) Good night (514) Bad night (445)
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  (415): View more from California

  I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize

  (1-415): View more from California

  Can I have the second place winner?

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  (415): I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize (1-415): Can I have the second place winner? http://tfl.nu/4f30
  Replies (5) Good night (858) Bad night (351)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays

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  (508): im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays http://tfl.nu/ltrp
  Replies (1) Good night (212) Bad night (193)

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