dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
