May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
