I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
