No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
