remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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