I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
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