i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
