Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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