You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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