I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
