so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
