i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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