this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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