She announced her abortion via fbk
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
