His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
