Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
