Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
