yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize