My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
