Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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