i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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