Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
