You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
