in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
