you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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