everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
