i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you inspire me to be a worse person
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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