I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
