my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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