if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
