Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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