why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
