know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
