soooo we both peed the bed last night...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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