I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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