so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
