i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
