we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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