when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling my apartment porn island.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize