A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
