Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
And then he peed in my hair
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