I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
