one two three fourrrrnication!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This baby is an asshole
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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