Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
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